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| Thank goodness for fun people at work. I have been so lucky to work with such fun people. A lot of them are slackers, that's for sure, but 90% of the people I've met are really nice. Chelsea and I had a little bit too much fun with the camera today I think...and man I look freakin fat in these pictures...but oh well. They're funny anyways, and I'm about half the size I appear in them.
I had to go to a poe-dunk, country club tonight to hear my dad play with his old band for the first time in probably 20 yrs...and to promote the radio station of course. Always fun to do that...but man oh man. I NEVER want to be around drunk people ever again in my life. That club was soooooooooooooooo smokey I think I've developed emphysema. My eyes are burning still, and I immediately took a shower to escape the 'au de cigarette' smell sufficating every inch of my body. REASONS I NEVER PLAN TO BE A DRINKER OR A SMOKER! That stuff is gross. I know I'm allergic to smoke...but there's no way to avoid it.
On a side note...I am about to drift into the best sleep I'll probably ever have. I'm completely and utterly exhausted from the events of today....and pretty much this whole year for that matter. It's been absolutely horrible, but so necessary in many ways. But there has been something that never fails to bring me immense happiness....shopping (my anti-drug) haha. Nothing deep and meaningful here folks. lol...plain and simple fact. I. Love. To. Shop. Now I know you're thinking 'that's all girls'. Oh no. No no. I shop 1000 times more than most girls. I have a fashion addiction---almost majored in fashion design. It's reached an unhealthy point...but at least its something to do while I'm stuck here in this boring city.
On a side note...I get to visit my favorite people in the WORLD this weekend! My hometown!!!! yay!!!!!!!
For now, I'm going to sleep. I'm so tired, i'm sure this entry makes no sense whatsoever | | |
| Yes, it is the most fabulous weather we've ever had up here. (not!) Eighty degrees one day, 20 the next, snow, followed by 50, and back to 80 again. My allergies have finally had enough...and decided to take matters into their own hands by making me sick. WONDERFUL.
Anyways, I'm pretty drugged up on like, 5 different medications this morning....and I somehow made it through work...and overtime hrs. I swear, who you work with makes SUCH a difference. So now, I get loads of mooolah, and a nice bed to lay in for the next 3 days. I can snuggle up under the covers, eat my soup, and curl up to a nice movie. (Just bought Cronicles of Narnia---sooo excited).
This summer is going to be nothing short of exciting! My new job starts in about a month...and I get to do what I LOVE. What else can you ask for? Performing everyday...isn't even work. And the costumes---oh the costumes---I can't wait to see what kind of a fool I will look like this time. haha. <3
I've been in such a foul mood lately...and I finally made myself cut that off. Granted, I had every right to be in a foul mood. (totalled a car, couldn't figure out majors/schools in time to continue this spring, found out some of my college 'friends' aren't real friends, and lost my best guy friend due to a rediculous amount of pathalogical lying).
Now normally, I would be the type of girl to let everyone walk all over her....keep calling 'friends' that don't call you, take some of the blame I don't deserve, and keep my friends-and the drama they cause in my life. But I've found some strength recently. Just enough to say...well...'enough'. I've deleted phone numbers, emails, anything I can think of. I hate drama, and I realized that I'm carrying around the worry of petty friendships. It's not worth it. I have TRUE, GOOD friends...and they deserve the time that I've been wasting on some of these dweebs. That's right. I said 'dweebs'.
So, I'm very content at the moment. Little random things weigh on my mind from time to time, but nothing too serious. I'm a very outgoing, bubbly person, and I don't want that to be affected by anything. So for now...I'm just me. | | |
| Life is confusing. It never gets any easier. It mearly leans towards a different emotion on the spectrum from time to time.
I've never wanted something to work so badly before...but with the combination of events surrounding my current life, I have no energy left. That's probably why my immune system is so bleeahahah.
I feel like I want to curl up into a ball, lock myself in my room, and cry...for a whole day straight. Just out of frustration.
(not trying to throw a pity party here...I just really need to get all that's left inside of me out....so that I can rebuild. There have been MANY blessings lately as well)
Have you ever been there? I think we all have. You have to hit rock bottom to build back up. My problem is, the people in my life don't seem to give me enough time to cool of, sit back, reflect, and act. Something else gets poured on top of me first. So hopefully, working 24/7 will solve this minor verge of breakdown crisis.
anyways...I'm not going to wollow for the next...well...ever.
Random subject change in
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Tomorrow I'm going shopping. (only my favorite thing EVER) I'm going to get some cropped leggings so i can wear my skirts in the colder and springtime months. And I'm going to look for the PERFECT summer flowy flowncy girlie dress. I've always wanted a dress that says 'hey...let's go berry pickin'!' haha. But seriously, that's what summer dresses remind me of. The kinda dress you can put little effort into...and go hang in the fields of Ireland in. Mmmm.
I'm a 'call-in' at work...but im not gonna call in. It makes no sense. The first person (manager) gets there at 8am. You're supposed to call an hr in advance. My call in is from 8am-1pm. what the heck? I'm not waking up at 6 to get ready for work...just to call at 8 and have someone tell me 'we dont need you'. It's rediculous. I'll leave my phone on...but holy maceral. I love my job, but not enough to do that.
umm....blahblahblah...it was a great little chat....and I'll write again soon. | | |
| Well, I'm extremely exhausted from the hours I've been working at the 'crombie. I've been hopped up on a daily allowance of starbucks, thug sightings, and second wind. I truely love the people I work with already...and it makes such a difference. When you get paid near minimum wage...it's all for the discounts.
However, I did land one of the second jobs I wanted. I will now be peforming during the summer and getting paid for it....VERY well. Try near $400 a week. TO SING AND DANCE!!! I do that every day in the bathroom/shower/house/mall anyways. That's not even like work to me! That means I get to meet even more new people in this city.
Tonight, I spoke to an old friend in town. I have known her longer than anyone in my life, but we have kind of grown apart. Living in different states, having different sets of friends, going to different schools, and being a year apart has changed a lot of things. However, I somewhat lost sight of myself in highschool and have been rediscovering myself ever since. We talked about that tonight. How we wanted to be close again and that the other needn't worry about how to act around the other. I really felt like we reconnected again---and we're going to hang out soon. We even talked about maybe going to the same college in the fall and living together.
blahhhhh so much to say. i'm far too worn out for xanga atm. I can't even be articulate.
LAME. | | |
| Well, it's late at night, once again...and I'm sitting here in my bed not being able to sleep. I don't like this house, and I don't like this neighborhood. It's nice enough. But every symmetrical house sits in perfect geometrical alignment on equal plots of land. It's quiet. And even the wind gives this uneasy feeling. It's too perfect. It gives me the creeps.
Why is life so confusing, so...complicated? Every breath of every second of every day is about teaching us something. Passing God's tests, learning from and teaching his disciples. And although each Christian individual is blessed with the knowledge that life is a continuous combination of trial and tribulation that will eventually work itself out, there are still so many questions we will puzzle over throughout existence.
A question that specifically seeks me out each and every day is "why do I care?". Why do I care? I tirelessly try to attain the wisdom to guide others, when I myself need guidance. Why does she bother me? A question I can not answer.
Where is the medium? I must search for strength within myself in order to find it.
And so I think. I analyze; constantly. I pick apart every scenario of a situation enclosed by glass. And it doesn't stop with situations. I pick apart people. Their body language, their attire, and the kind of person they may or may not be. God has blessed me with intuition yes, but I must not open my mouth. Gossiping is not a flattering quality in anyone. This is one of my biggest faults. However, I can honestly say, I've almost never said anything horrible about a person that I myself do not know. And even though I am overwhelmingly more mild than most girls, I want to be better.
Somewhere between yesterday and today, I began changing. I am changing. | | |
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